Christians are straight up FREAKS
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
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