But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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