I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
