And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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