there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
