I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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