I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
