My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
