I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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