Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
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