belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
