It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
