I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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