Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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