One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
