I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
did you just send me my own nude
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
