I think my vagina is haunted
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
