We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
