I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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