u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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