hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Randomize
