Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
