If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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