There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
