I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
She announced her abortion via fbk
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
