worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
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apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
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I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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