well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
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