How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Randomize