it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
