porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
