Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
