thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
