In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
