we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Randomize
