I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Acid is not a monday night drug
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
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