I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
