im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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