1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Randomize
