just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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