your thong is hanging out like whoa
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Randomize
