If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
