Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
