fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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