im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
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I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
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Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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