they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
