Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
