she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Randomize
