I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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