there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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