just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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