so explain again why im purple
no
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Randomize
