I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
