You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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