handjob tips. give me some.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
