She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
