you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
