Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
