Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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