i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
