oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
