Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
