woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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