is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
