I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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