I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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