Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
