I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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