I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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