Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
You need a sexual gate keeper
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
