In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
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Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
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I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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