counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
