ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I bet he comes in French.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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