Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
