On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
