Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
He? As in you personified your dick?
Randomize
