who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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