I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
